Fickle relationships

Through a recent incident that he has faced, Raphy Islam shares his frustrations about the lack of commitment in relationships these days

019A few days ago a couple who were very close to me, broke up. I had been with them since the very beginning of their relationship and in a way it helped me understand what true relation may be like, while it lasted. Whenever I saw them together it made me feel precious that both lovely human beings are friends of mine.
I was getting a bit busy with my surroundings and I lost track of what was happening in their live and couple of months later I came to know that they had broken up. A relationship that lasted for more than four years which blossomed right before my very eyes! I was shocked. I have to admit I was a closer friend to my male friend and his situation was far worse. He was completely devastated. What I knew of my friend, though he was a different breed so I thought it may need more time but he will recover, find someone else and his life will continue its pace. But it didn’t.
My friend seemed to like being left alone. After so many months  I started to believe that he meant what he had said to me, ‘I have lived my life, maybe I deserve it and this is all there could have been.’
I do not really know where his philosophy comes from although I always knew he believed in some kind of eternal love. It makes no sense to me his ability to endure that kind of loneliness and hardship when he makes such statements.
In a few months when I heard from my female friend that she was in another relationship it made me feel somewhat funny. I told my male friend that she had moved on and it is time for him to do the same. He laughed as if I had said something immature, and said, ‘Her promises are her responsibility, she forgot her relationship of four years in four months, quite poetic, huh? But here is the problem-my words mean something to me, I can’t become any less of a human being in my eyes.’
I think my male friend has a utopian mindset, but still I wonder how he could even say those words out loud when in this modern life when everyone is always ready to let go. Then again I am a part of that society which doesn’t encourage me to have a thinking process outside of the box.
Mind you, my friend can turn on his words any day. But somewhere down the line I would really like to see him be true to his words, just to get some trust back on that humanity where people really believe what they say and not something which will make them feel special. I have found out that small gestures of honesty and truthfulness moves us so much because it is so rare.
I do not know what form of relationships work out or what love is so I am not judging here. I am merely trying to understand the nature of relationships in the society nowadays. This hardship of grasping the notion is not only true for made up, emotional relationships but also for the biological ones as well.
That is the reason that we see a huge amount of nuclear families where bonds are becoming extremely artificial. Everything seems to be a calculated decision for mutual benefit. I hope we learn for our sake what a relation is supposed to feel like. I am afraid we all may be leading to that kind of loneliness that my friend feels without even realising it.
It may be a bit of exaggeration to use a personal incident to connect and reflect the society as whole, but again, isn’t society becoming increasingly fragile?
Every day we come across news of family members or relatives spilling blood of their loved ones for honour, money or property and someone gets killed almost every other day for such motives. Relationships have become so hard to sustain that we do not care to cherish love for those with whom we are biologically related even.
Maybe in the urban areas blood is not spilled that often, but the society has definitely lost its value to a huge extent. We all see it, feel it, and experience it, so denying doesn’t make us feel good, it just makes us foolish. The prime example of this is the alarming rate at which people ‘fall in love’ & also ‘fall out of’ it.
Every one of us seems to know someone close whose number of relationships before marriage has hit double digits. As the fickleness can persist even after marriage, divorces are increasing at an alarming rate.
This also leads to a number of pertinent questions related to the children. Usually, separation of any couple leads to hardships for their children. Also, what kind of life will these children lead after growing up in dysfunctional family environments? What form of honesty, sincerity and efficiency can society really expect from them in the future?
I hope people will start to value their relationships for the right reasons. Now due to the emergence of social networking and its importance in our lives, everyone wants to be popular by showing off, feel the need to ‘socialise’ with ‘a lot of close people.
In reality, we need a handful of people who we can really care about and trust, share our thoughts with, become vulnerable and also have a few laughs. Let me finish by borrowing some lines, ‘Everything has already been said but since nobody was listening, we have to start again’. I can only hope that someone listens.

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