Lover Number One: Digital sado-masochism

by Towheed Feroze

019One of the two actresses who is exceedingly cautious about her modesty but decides to wear markedly skimpy clothes in public, is surrounded by a gang of hoodlums, who, we can presume, have taken handful of Viagra or maybe Yaba. The taunting is usual but what follows is a novelty – the almost sadistic peeling off her clothes.
There is pin drop silence in the hall; the girl’s saree is pulled from her. For some odd reason, she decided to wear it slovenly. In an orange petticoat and blouse she pleads for mercy. Her relatives also make an appeal to the oversexed wolves. But we know when the thing is erect, all senses say goodbye.
Naturally, there are plenty of people around but no one comes to save the woman; instead, they decide to look on impassively, like zombies.
The film then breaks the barrier of ‘common goons harassing the girl template’ because one by one, her undergarments are pulled off. In the darkness there is suppressed tension. Say hello to sado-masochism with a twist.
Meanwhile, the top villain, played by Misha Sowdagor, utters in delight: I like this!
By the way, true to the current cine credo which demands the baddie to have a signature line, here Sowdagor uses: I don’t like it and I like it, for almost all situations.
I am writing these points vigorously on my notebook; after all, this is mould-breaking stuff. Suddenly, a flash light falls on me: ‘brother, what is it that you are writing? The girl’s vital statistics?’ The question comes from the row behind me.
In one scene the bad guys exact revenge on a girl by cutting her hair from behind.
‘Tui amar chul keno kaatli (why did you cut my hair?),’ resonated for over a minute and I couldn’t but get the hint of a double entendre there.
So, we are in Modhumita Hall watching ‘Lover Number One’, featuring the much talked about new face in filmdom: Porimoni.
Had to go because someone told me: ‘boss, Porimoni is live TNT!’ And then, he made a rather amazing noise using his tongue.
I am sure he can do it again if you are interested to see it!
Bappi is the hero called Baadsha – a firebrand young man, who stops at nothing. He gets what he wants and introduces himself as a ‘Digital Loverboy’.
Also, how can we miss the picture of a stallion on his shirt? A stud indeed! And, he loves to eat carrots!
Must say, this must be the best endorsement for the vegetable. But then, the carrot seller is a woman who wears a choli revealing her navel.
Man, if such a woman sells carrots then I am willing to go vegan! Someone from behind observes: ‘shaala bish dileo khaia falamu (will even accept poison from her)!’
It’s the late night show therefore, I am prepared to hear some racy comments.
While eating carrots, Baadsha also has eyes for the new girl at the college played by Porimoni. On the other side, a US-returned buffoon talking in unintelligible New York street lingo also salivates at the girl.
This guy wears a T-shirt saying: ‘I am not perfect but I am limited edition!’ Regrettably, none of the girls seem to be interested to be intimate with this rare beast.
Surely, our actress cannot allow others to touch her and play around her slightly meaty midriff though she has the right to expose her assets and ignite hell’s eternal fire in all of us.
The unwritten message: ‘Burn, baby burn… purte thako chandura!’
We are literally burning in the hall! Now I understand why the MD of Modhumita said enthusiastically that he had three straight days full occupancy for all shows.
After a series of twists that can only emanate from a brain either steeped with marijuana or speed (maybe both), the movie sees Baadsha taking on a group of underground dons.
In between, he has a jaunty dance with one of the actresses in an upbeat song with the lines:
Tokey lagey very innocent, tui amar premer sentiment, chol kori agreement, life e hobo permanent (you look very innocent, you are my sentiment, let’s have an agreement that in life, we shall be permanent).
I like this! A lot…..

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